Why New Year Resolutions Often Fail

And how to set kinder, doable resolutions that actually succeed

So, do you have it yet: an ambitious list of all the things you would like to do, become, and accomplish this year? Or, have you settled on a single goal that is going to be the focus of 2025? Or, you have learned your lesson from previous years and have given up on New Year resolutions all together? Are you excited about the journey ahead, or, do you feel sick of things as they are now, and perhaps, even sick of yourself as you are?

Your answer to these questions (that is, your mindset) research shows, will determine not only your approach, but the likelihood of your success.

In this pep-talk-essay I will rely on yogic wisdom, science and my own experience to cover:

1. The difference between goals and intentions, according to Buddhist teachings

2. How our brains work, and the optimal mindset to seal in success.

3. The stages of change

4. The power of small, incremental one degree turns

5. And finally, the power of community.

Fasten your seat-belts. There is a lot of goodness coming your way.

1. GOALS VS. INTENTIONS¹

Goal making involves envisioning a future outcome. It involves planning, applying discipline, and working hard to achieve it. Making goals help provide direction for your life. With goals, the imagined future is always the focus: Are you going to reach the goal? Will you be happy when you do? And then, what’s next?

Setting intention is quite different. It is not oriented toward a future outcome. Instead, it is a path, or practice, that is focused on how you are “being” in the present moment. Your attention is on the ever-present “now” in the constantly changing flow of life. You set your intentions based on understanding what matters most to you and make a commitment to align your worldly actions with your inner values. You don’t just set your intentions and then forget about them; you live them every day.

Goals help you make your place in the world. But being grounded in intention is what provides integrity and unity in your life. Ironically, by being in touch with, and acting from your true intentions, you become more effective in reaching your goals than when you act from wants and insecurities.

Consider this for a moment: What would it be like if you didn’t measure the success of your life just by what you get, and don’t get, but gave equal, or greater priority to how aligned you are with your deepest vales? Goals don’t fulfill you in an ongoing way; they either beget another goal or else collapse. But intention is what provides you with self-respect and peace of mind.

In choosing to live with right intention, you are not giving up your desire for achievement or a better life, or binding yourself to being morally perfect. But you are committing to living each moment with the intention of not causing harm with your actions and words. The right intention is a continual aspiration.

But what is the “right intention”? It is usually an intention that comes from our heart, not our over-loaded, exhausted brain. A practice I like to follow is simply bow my chin towards my chest, place my hands on my heart, and address my heart as I would address the kindest friend: “Dear Heart, what would you have me know today / “Dear Heart, where am I going?” etc.

I find that this is a good place to start: Get out of my analytical head and connect to the wisdom of my heart.

Because here is the tricky thing about our minds: Nothing is as threatening to the most primitive (and dominant) part of our midbrain as change.

2. HOW OUR BRAIN WORKS²

The brain has 3 systems it uses to engage willpower. I will power (supports actions alignment with your values and goals), I won’t power (helps you resist temptation), and I want power (helps you hold the big picture in mind). They are aspects of the prefrontal cortex, the executive centre of the brain, and they are what allows us to over-ride the more primitive desires of the midbrain which are always motivated by immediate reward and the avoidance of pain.

Knowing how the brain works, may help you outwit it when it tells you that the couch and Netflix is a better option to a quick 20 minute exercise.

Here is another helpful finding³:

Clinical research has shown that in the early stages of trying to form a new behaviour or a habit, the benefits the new habit will afford us, no matter how powerful they are, are often outweighed by the desire to avoid the pain of change. However — once a habit has been established, and you’ve started to reap its rewards, pleasure replaces pain as your main motivating factor!

[And on that note: the writer of this essay takes a 20 minute yoga break, and returns energized and inspired to share more information on willpower and resolutions]

This is where the Yoga Sutras may be helpful:

For the practice to be effective, it must have 3 essential elements: It must be done for a long time, it must be done consistently, and it must be done with love and reverence.

This is also known as the practice of Abhyasa - sustained effort. And it touches on a very important point that is often overlooked when we want to implement a change: our mindset/ attitude.

A fundamental mistake we are prone to make is that we approach any change from a punitive vantage point. We want to change things about ourselves that we perceive as wrong/ broken and we need to fix, and often - we feel bad (mildly put) for not having fixed them already. “Any resolution you make that is motivated by shame is fundamental rejection of what is true right now. It cannot work,” says yoga teacher Kelly McGonigal, author of The Willpower Instinct.

Furthermore, when we approach any (natural!) setback the same way, we risk giving up altogether and tell ourselves that we “can’t even do this simple thing,” and therefore are “useless.” This is known as the “What-the-hell-effect,” and this is why most gyms and yoga studios become a lot less crowded by February and March.

So, remember: “Done with love and reverence”!!

3. THE STAGES OF CHANGE

I have written in length about The Transtheoretical Model, also called the Stages of Change Model, developed by Prochaska and DiClemente in the late 1970s in a previous post in which I outlined my year-long journey transforming my body and writing a demanding first draft of a book (all the while being a single-mother). I strongly suggest you study this model, so you can appreciate that change doesn’t happen overnight, but has a natural way to first simmer in our brain before we reach that pivotal point when we decide to act on an impulse. A key word here is patience.

4. THE POWER OF SMALL ONE DEGREE TURNS

In the same post I emphasized how the secret to my success was many small steps, performed progressively and consistency, instead of ambitious (and often paralyzing) leaps that would have, no doubt, overwhelmed me.

Our reptile brains are so resistant to change that they need to be cajoled into it, not jolted into it.

But one small, positive change can get us all the momentum we need to implement another small change, and then another. And before you know it, you are 15, or 20 degrees closer to your desired goal. Magic.

5. FINDING YOUR PEOPLE

If you read my My Year of Lite Living you might be struck by how I managed to do all this largely on my own, with very little help. A little inspiration from Dr. Mindy Pelz and off I went. Kind of. But this is not accurate. The previous year I had already gone through a major transformation by establishing clear boundaries around my writing time, and where, and on whom I spend my most precious resource: my energy. I had lost friends and made new ones. Anyone who did not support my path of becoming my most authentic Self dropped out of my life. By contrast, my friends who were aligned with my path, and the new friends who joined me on this mission are my greatest cheerleaders. As I am hoping to be the same cheerleader for them. Together we go out of our way to support one another, and the time we spend together always feels precious, inspiring, and - energizing!

Because real transformation can take place only in a supportive environment. While to go alone is possible, it is so much harder. So, surround yourself with people who want the best for you and actively seek out those who model the kind of life that you are trying to create for yourself. In other words, gravitate towards people who already have what you want.

A word of warning here: be mindful of the pitfall of jealousy. As Julia Cameron reminds us in The Artist’s Way:

Jealousy is always a mask for fear: fear that we aren’t able to get what we want; frustration that somebody else seems to be getting what is rightfully ours, even if we are too frightened to reach for it. At its root, jealousy is a stingy emotion.

Instead, offer support. As McGonigal says, “Embrace every opportunity to bring the people you care about into your process and to share the positive benefits that you’ve experienced.”

That is precisely my mission with this essay: To inspire you with the nuggets of wisdom that have helped me along my path to change.

And speaking of community, you are invited to check out my biweekly YOGA CLINIC, where I am building 5-15 minute short yoga practices and meditations tailored to your specific needs and challenges.

From mid-January, I will also start running bimonthly “Karma Yoga” sessions in which we can catch up on the various things that challenge us, offer support, and breathe together.

If you happen to be in Montréal, you are welcome to join us for our in-person Yoga Clinics on Thursdays (starting January 16), or our specialized workshop centred around the chakra system - The Yoga of Resilience on January 18. Information on both workshops can be found here.

In the meanwhile, as always, be kind to yourself!

Happy new Year!

Imola

If you have found this post helpful, please consider subscribing to THE ART OF LITE LIVING, become part of my community and of course - help support my work. This is how good karma travels :)

And as always, I love to hear from you! So please be encouraged to share your own stories, nuggets of wisdom, and thoughts in the comment section below.

And just in case you need further motivation to change, here is a short, inspiring video from Dr. Mindy Pelz to inspire you. It turns out, doing the same old thing is making us old…

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In case you missed it:

1. From “The Heart’s Intention” by Phillip Moffitt, The Yoga Journal

2. From “Boost Your Willpower” by Hillari Dowdle, The Yoga Journal

3. From “The Four Desires” by Rod Stryker