My Year of Lite Living (Part 1)
How I sustained my focus while writing the first draft of a difficult book & got stronger in my body
Dear friends,
In this week’s newsletter I want to share with you some of the epiphanies I’ve had in the past year that have led to some life-changing personal, and physical transformations. Fasten your seat-belts.
But before I launch into this week’s topic, I thought I’d take a moment to define what “Lite Living” means for me.
Lite Living is a philosophy I have developed over the years as a writer and yoga teacher who travelled the world with a moderate-sized backpack, limited financial means, and a voracious appetite to soak up everything that the world had to offer: from its diverse cultures, languages, and best of all - those simple, but meaningful human connections.
Lite Living means ‘light,’ as in carrying only what is absolutely essential, and ‘lit,’ meaning inspired and illuminated. In other words, Lite Living is about embracing a meaningful and purposeful life that is aligned with your values and the ‘stuff’ that brings you lasting joy (and not only act as a distraction/respite from the daily drudgery). Lite Living is an art and a practice; it is a journey full of beautiful, and sometimes, uncomfortable, discoveries. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I continue to search for them with curiosity and humility. I share my findings - and failings! - with you here in the hope that they will inspire you to get in touch with what lights you up.
So, back to the past year.
Many female friends have been commenting on my physical transformation in the past eight months without holding back. Some exclaimed that I was “disappearing,” and others told me that I looked great and was “getting stronger.”
I’ll be honest with you, the first comment didn’t sit well with me. I associate “disappearance” with eating disorders and not a healthy life-style. I would also like to call out this derogatory comment that I find on the opposite spectrum of fat-shaming: skinny-shaming women who have lost access of weight in a healthy manner. I’m thinking here of the backlash that public figures like Adele and Rebel Wilson received when they lost weight. In Wilson’s case, it was weight that was threatening to kill her! It seems that we women can never win. Skinny, or fat, our bodies will be shamed no matter what, and often so, by other women. I invite you to reflect on this for a moment, and please, let us change the discourse on body image to something more respectful and healthy.
As I have already mentioned in a previous post, I got into teaching yoga because I was interested in helping people heal from their physical and emotional pain. Getting fit was never the part that excited me. It was a pleasant bonus, but I was much more interested in helping tall women own their height, and for practitioners (of all ages and levels of flexibility) to learn to take space on the mat, so they could own their space unabashedly in their everyday lives. Therefore, this notion of me “disappearing” couldn’t be further from the truth.
I am not trying to become my twenty-five-year-old version of myself. I am not trying to be skinny. What I want is to be a healthy and strong forty-eight year old woman who has the mental clarity, joy and stamina to do whatever she puts her mind to.
But I didn’t know all this when I embarked on my journey in February this year, almost by accident.
Before I tell you how I did it (write the first draft of a book and get physically stronger) I want to draw your attention to two important concepts:
THE STAGES OF CHANGE
The Transtheoretical Model, also called the Stages of Change Model, developed by Prochaska and DiClemente in the late 1970s posits that individuals move through six stages of change:
Precontemplation - Also known as ‘denial’. In this stage, people do not intend to take action in the foreseeable future. People are often unaware that their behaviour is problematic or produces negative consequences.
Contemplation - In this stage, people are intending to start the healthy behaviour in the foreseeable future (defined as within the next 6 months). People recognize that their behaviour may be problematic, and a more thoughtful and practical consideration of the pros and cons of changing the behaviour takes place, with equal emphasis placed on both. Even with this recognition, people may still feel ambivalent toward changing their behaviour.
Preparation (Determination) - In this stage, people are ready to take action within the next 30 days. People start to take small steps toward the behaviour change, and they believe changing their behaviour can lead to a healthier life.
Action - In this stage, people have recently changed their behaviour and intend to keep moving forward with that behaviour change. People may exhibit this by modifying their problem behaviour or acquiring new healthy behaviours.
Maintenance - In this stage, people have sustained their behaviour change for a while (defined as more than 6 months) and intend to maintain the behaviour change going forward. People in this stage work to prevent relapse to earlier stages.
Termination - In this stage, people have no desire to return to their unhealthy behaviours and are sure they will not relapse.
I think what this model shows is that change rarely happens overnight and that relapse and re-entering the cycle of change is completely normal, and thoroughly expected.
I am often praised for my “discipline” and “determination” as if I were a special breed of a human who can fight off resistance like a skilled Samurai. If only it were true, and as simple as that.
Yes, after two decades of a consistent yoga practice, I no longer encounter resistance to showing up to my yoga mat. My mat is never folded away and I visit it twice a day, every day, and with joy. Having been more consistent with my HIIT exercise I am less resistant to it now, but I haven’t yet achieved the same level of ‘joy’ as with yoga. I need to talk myself into it (“Come on, it’s only 12/20 minutes”... “You know you will feel so much better afterwards”, etc.) I know that I should be doing more strength and resistance training, but so far, my 5 lb weights are collecting dust on my bookshelf and are used to support my books, not to strengthen my muscles. My aversion to weights outweighs my determination to be physically strong, let’s be honest.
So, no, I am not special. I struggle with motivation and consistency like any other human being. But I am a big believer in what Martha Beck calls “one-degree turns.”
THE ONE DEGREE TURN
Many small steps, performed progressively and consistency, instead of ambitious (and often unrealistic) leaps are more likely to get us to our desired destination.
Our reptile brains are so resistant to change that they need to be cajoled into it, not jolted into it.
Last month I wrote about my experience of “building a book.” I purposely used the word ‘building’ to imply that writing a book, similarly to building a house, is put together word by word, sentence by sentence, scene by scene and chapter by chapter. In other words, by incremental, devoted one degree turns. Writing a 300+ page book is potentially an overwhelming endeavour. It is a journey full of resistance that will challenge you every step of the way. No wonder few make it to the end. Me too, I had contemplated giving up many times and considered the annihilation of the entire project as I composed the last sentence. The looming deadline was always there, and the only way I could catch up to it was by forgetting about it, and focusing on the scene that was right in front of me. And gradually, as I completed one scene and then another scene, a book was built.
The same principle applies to my physical transformation.
MY JOURNEY IN INCREMENTAL ONE DEGREE TURNS:
Curiosity (contemplation):
It all began by accident. One day as I was cleaning my Budapest apartment Dr. Mindy Pelz came on my YouTube feed. In a conversation with Steven Bartlett she spoke about women’s health and the benefits to fasting. I was already familiar with this hyped trend that I had very much resisted. I had heard alarming stories about fasts going wrong and I knew that any health adjustment that was based on deprivation was doomed to fail. When I was pregnant all I craved was wine and sushi, and I couldn’t imagine any cleanse that required me to give up my morning coffee. Besides, I love food too much, especially Italian-style pizza. But I was intrigued by Pelz’s approach to fasting as a healing tool and not just as a weight-loss tool. She sounded very down-to-earth and normal. When she mentioned that you could start with giving your body a 12-13 hour window to repair itself by not eating, I realized that I was doing this already. But doing a 36 hour fast that was supposed to target my persistent belly fat that I hadn’t been able to lose despite my very active and healthy life-style, seemed inconceivable to me.
Preparation
I decided to pay more attention to my body and cravings and not snack after 6pm. This required no effort on my part, so I decided to push the window to 14 hours. Again, this didn’t feel like a sacrifice at all, beside sacrificing the milk in my morning coffee (coffee apparently does not break your fast and even has some health benefits!) Then I tried 15 hours, and 16 hours over several weeks. In my case, I found that it was easier to not eat past 4pm and have my breakfast at 10am. I also noticed that I slept much better. Then, I noticed that my jeans were getting looser on me, for the first time in a long time. I don’t have a scale so I don’t know how much I weighed when I began making these changes.
In the meanwhile, I ordered Dr. Mindy Pelz’s book Fast Like a Girl and was fascinated (and somewhat outraged) by all the new things that I suddenly learned about my hormones. Why was I learning this only at the age of 47, and not sooner? I asked myself.
Action
One day mid-February, roughly three weeks into my intermittent fasting routine, I found myself outside of Montreal, nowhere near a store (in a cemetery…). I was so preoccupied with the event of that day that I didn’t even feel any hunger. By the time I got home, I realized that I had unintentionally completed a 24 hour gut-reset fast. Now the 36 hour fat-burner fast didn’t seem all that impossible. In fact, I decided to give it a go that very same day because I was feeling just fine (and strangely sharp and energized!) I went to bed early, planning the protein rich breakfast I was going to have the next morning (How you break a fast is crucial!). But when I woke up in the morning, I was surprised to find that I wasn’t exceptionally hungry. This could be because after about 17 hours of fasting, the process called autophagy kicks in, which is when your body is beginning to consume its own stored fat. I ate a regular portion of a healthy breakfast, rich in protein and fibre.
I felt like I had run a marathon with very little effort. Although there are longer fast that aim at regulating your dopamine (48 hours) and reset your immune system (72 hours), I didn’t feel that I needed to overdo it. I wasn’t in the business of torturing myself. Motivated by how relatively easy this adaptation felt, I decided to vary my eating windows according to my hormonal cycle, following Mindy’s instruction.
This turned out to be a life-changing adaptation with many other positive side effect:
Even cleaner diet and even healthier cravings. Even though I had always had a healthy life-style, my cravings naturally began to gravitate towards the very clean. More avocados, more nuts and seeds, and no sugary pastries (even though there is an excellent bakery just across the street from me!). This doesn’t mean that I cut out all sugar and carbs, but I craved a lot less of it. And when I felt like bread or desert, I had it without an ounce of guilt. When I was invited for dinner, I didn’t hesitate. I just adapted my routine around this schedule. Remember, I’m a big believer in the Italian concept of dolce far niente and that life is to be enjoyed, especially in good company!
No more migraines! After two months of intermittent fasting combined with the occasional 36 hour fast (2-3 times monthly in the first 2 months, 1-2 times in the following three months, and 0-1 times since then), my debilitating migraines during the first and second day of my cycle completely disappeared! This has really got me thinking how fasting can be indeed a healing tool.
More stamina and strength when exercising. Previously advanced yoga practices and HIIT routines that I used to struggle to get through were no longer exhausting to me. Suddenly I was doing those yogic push-ups and mountain climbers like a pro, and one day, when I didn’t expect to, I lifted my thigh up into the advanced yoga pose “bird of paradise” as if I had done this all my life.
Improved focus. Contrary to what I had expected, on my fasting days I was sharper and more focused. So much so, that I didn’t even finish my first morning coffee.
These gradual one-degree-turns inspired further one-degree-turns when it came to my exercise regime, much in the same way.
I had already been practising yoga regularly, usually mid-morning, but now I added another exercise routine (either yoga, or HIIT) mid-afternoon. I have found that a 20-30 minute exercise in the middle of my working day, just when I was losing stamina or focus, was a lot more effective than a 1-2 hour intense workout at the gym (I have a serious aversion to gyms). My 20-30 minute workout acted as my pick-me up alternative to coffee, and required no trip to the gym, only a few steps to my yoga mat. I later learned that this concept is known as “exercise snacks:” brief periods of vigorous exercise spread throughout the day. In the evening when my work was done, I often went for a walk on the mountain - either with a friend, or a great New Yorker podcast. In the summer, I went swimming in the pool around the corner. My favourite days were when it was raining and I had the pool all to myself.
These “exercise snacks” amounted to about 1-2 hours of activity every day, but broken into smaller parts, they felt effortless and highly enjoyable.
Maintenance
When you introduce a new habit/routine into your life, it takes your brain a while to catch up to the benefits that eventually outweigh the discomfort of change. Staying the course, therefore, is crucial. But just as the The Transtheoretical Model shows, a relapse is part of the process.
The three classic mistakes we humans make are:
When it comes to dietary changes and exercise, the motivation often comes from self-hate (“oh, how I hate my belly, thighs” etc.) and thus, the process of change becomes abusive, and not a loving/nurturing experience.
We expect a change to happen overnight, and therefore give up too soon.
We expect “one easy fix” to fix it all, instead of many one-degree-turns that gradually become the path to success.
If instead of following this path of curiosity and momentum, leading to more curiosity and momentum, I had decided to (or, rather, bullied myself into) losing my belly fat, going down 3 dress sizes, writing a challenging book and exercise 1-2 hours a day, my ego would have rebelled against me! There is no doubt in my mind that I wouldn’t have been able to even start. But in fact, this is what I have accomplished - without pain and self-abuse.
It would have been difficult for me to complete the first draft of an emotionally challenging book without taking care of my body, diet and mental health. I meditate daily, and it has been life-saving. Because life has always a way of throwing new challenges at you, and far from a smooth ride, the past year has been bumpy, and eventful as always. But focusing on my dharma (purpose) by writing the book and keeping my body physically strong has also brought tremendous joy, appreciation and gratitude into my life.
In the second part of this post I will go into more detail about the diet that has helped me. But —
If you are inspired to make a positive change in your life, I strongly suggest that your first-degree-turn will be about changing your mindset. No self-abuse please. Only kindness. Gentleness. Then, choose the next very small, and doable, one-degree-turn toward the right direction. Make sure you get your momentum before you move on to the next one-degree-turn. And if you fall off the wagon, no biggie. Get back on it tomorrow, without reprimanding yourself for “failing yet again.” You haven’t failed. Remember, relapse is part of the process. And then, one day, after many one-degree-turns, you may look back on your journey with awe, and realize that you are at the “termination” stage, where going back to your old ways is unthinkable.
But don’t think about this just yet. First, choose your one-degree-turn, and make sure it’s only one-degree, and not two. And make sure it comes from kindness.
And then, please let me know how you get on!
Hope this helps…
P.s. In the following few weeks I will be rethinking my approach to Substack. My wish is to create a supportive community in which we can help each other grow into our most illuminated versions of ourselves. I’m thinking of bringing more of my yoga teachings here, as well as continue to write personal essays, prose and poetry. Your suggestions are more than welcome. More on this later.
And as always, I’m honoured you are reading me. Thank you for being here.
The fasting routine, so impressive. Truly helpful essay.
I don't know much about fasting but it seems to be the right fit for you as you have adopted it as a healthy lifestyle and not harmful deprivation. Bravo Imola!