Dear Imola, you are a thoughtful and compassionate person, and have been as long as I’ve known you. What Not to Do- exactly right, say nothing using the words “you should”, “be more….”
Yes to listening! Sometimes the simplest thing seems like you’re just being there, which is the point. Being present, as fully as possible. Hopefully you’re feeling better!
Thank you dearest Kristy. ❤️ Yes, listening has such a power/ healing to it. Seems so simple, and obvious. Imagine we all did a better job at listening (in order to understand, not just pretend listening, waiting for the chance to react)… the world would be so different. Sending love
I think of it as going back to the basics, then leading by following. In music it is hearing the silence under the notes. In yoga it is leaning back into the stillness. There is only this one reality that reality perceives through us.
How about stepping into not knowing? It can clear the path which you are already on. Resistance makes things worse. Fortunately one can stop resisting. Each time my heart breaks, it gets bigger.
Imola, this is beautiful - I’ve restacked it with a comment (hope that is ok for sharing) - and I have more to say elsewhere, but I do want to offer condolences for the loss of your friend, even if a bit of time has passed - you have my deepest sympathy, and I know well that feeling of wishing you could have (or should have) done more.
Thank you Martha. (I’m in tears…) my friend will continue to live in many people’s heart. It’s ok to restack it here, or by email. I wrote it in the hope to help others. (And you can always send me a direct message) hugs to you.
I guess some of us learn to be the strong one when we were young and couldn’t rely on others to help us. For years, I felt like I couldn’t rely on anyone to help me. But eventually I opened up to a good therapist and now I have friends like you I can rely on :)
Imola, thanks for writing this. So brave of you. Many of the things you express here resonate with me in a very deep level as I’m also quite shaken by our friend’s passing. One of the things that connected us was being immigrants in Canada… and it is still one of the themes I reflect upon constantly. Being strong and invincible… pfffff… such a powerful and dangerous statement at the same time… let’s be vigilant and try to hold space and be open and brave and soft with each other. So much needed. Love to you.
I hear you sister. And I will say that in one of our impromptu (but deep) conversations with our mutual friend we spoke about our deep longing for our homeland. And this was the same theme that connected you and me on the Van Horne street corner during covid lockdown. Being immigrant is not a straight-forward thing. And being "strong and invincible" is not either. All of it is complex and hard. And this is why we need to be there for each other. Sending much love back to you beautiful.
So true my friend. Being immigrant is a labyrinth in many ways and we often feel ashamed of admitting it because we’re just supposed to be grateful… it’s important to find and preserve spaces and be the people to be able to hold those often uncomfortable conversations with each other. Love right back at you.
Exactly. Reach out when you are back in Montreal and we can have an extended coffee/ walk and dive deeper into the immigrant experience. And maybe even collaborate on something creative together? In the meanwhile, enjoy beautiful Mexico.
Dear Imola, you are a thoughtful and compassionate person, and have been as long as I’ve known you. What Not to Do- exactly right, say nothing using the words “you should”, “be more….”
Yes to listening! Sometimes the simplest thing seems like you’re just being there, which is the point. Being present, as fully as possible. Hopefully you’re feeling better!
Thank you dearest Kristy. ❤️ Yes, listening has such a power/ healing to it. Seems so simple, and obvious. Imagine we all did a better job at listening (in order to understand, not just pretend listening, waiting for the chance to react)… the world would be so different. Sending love
I think of it as going back to the basics, then leading by following. In music it is hearing the silence under the notes. In yoga it is leaning back into the stillness. There is only this one reality that reality perceives through us.
Yes, so much wisdom can be found in stillness and silence!
I can relate to this, allowing the negative space to reveal truths, basic light/shadow revelations.
How about stepping into not knowing? It can clear the path which you are already on. Resistance makes things worse. Fortunately one can stop resisting. Each time my heart breaks, it gets bigger.
Yes!!
But you already know that...
How do you know that I know!?? But yes, I do… :)
It seems that hearts break because we love. When I acknowledge that reality, I have choice as to how I may respond to my experiences.
Imola, this is beautiful - I’ve restacked it with a comment (hope that is ok for sharing) - and I have more to say elsewhere, but I do want to offer condolences for the loss of your friend, even if a bit of time has passed - you have my deepest sympathy, and I know well that feeling of wishing you could have (or should have) done more.
Thank you Martha. (I’m in tears…) my friend will continue to live in many people’s heart. It’s ok to restack it here, or by email. I wrote it in the hope to help others. (And you can always send me a direct message) hugs to you.
Hugs back 🙏🏽
Such a beautiful, heart-sourced share, Imola. Sending care and tenderness to you!
Thank you Dana. Sending all that care and tenderness back to you too. We all need it. No matter how strong we may seem :)
I guess some of us learn to be the strong one when we were young and couldn’t rely on others to help us. For years, I felt like I couldn’t rely on anyone to help me. But eventually I opened up to a good therapist and now I have friends like you I can rely on :)
Yes. Learning to be strong has served us. But it doesn’t mean that it continues to serve us. And I’m eternally grateful for your friendship!
Heard. One of my biggest character weaknesses is that I don't know when to admit to myself that I need help.
I hear you Dan. We seem to be sharing similar struggles…
Thank you for reminding us to be vulnerable and compassionate with ourselves and others.
Always
Imola, thanks for writing this. So brave of you. Many of the things you express here resonate with me in a very deep level as I’m also quite shaken by our friend’s passing. One of the things that connected us was being immigrants in Canada… and it is still one of the themes I reflect upon constantly. Being strong and invincible… pfffff… such a powerful and dangerous statement at the same time… let’s be vigilant and try to hold space and be open and brave and soft with each other. So much needed. Love to you.
I hear you sister. And I will say that in one of our impromptu (but deep) conversations with our mutual friend we spoke about our deep longing for our homeland. And this was the same theme that connected you and me on the Van Horne street corner during covid lockdown. Being immigrant is not a straight-forward thing. And being "strong and invincible" is not either. All of it is complex and hard. And this is why we need to be there for each other. Sending much love back to you beautiful.
So true my friend. Being immigrant is a labyrinth in many ways and we often feel ashamed of admitting it because we’re just supposed to be grateful… it’s important to find and preserve spaces and be the people to be able to hold those often uncomfortable conversations with each other. Love right back at you.
Exactly. Reach out when you are back in Montreal and we can have an extended coffee/ walk and dive deeper into the immigrant experience. And maybe even collaborate on something creative together? In the meanwhile, enjoy beautiful Mexico.
Yes to all that!! Xox