Hi Imola. I finally had the time to give this piece the attention it truly deserves. I was deeply touched by many of the things you wrote. As millennial/Gen X parents, we often don’t give ourselves enough credit for the tremendous work we put into breaking transgenerational trauma. We are the first generation to tackle this challenge.
Does this work come easy? No. Do we make mistakes and sometimes repeat the patterns our parents set? Yes. But we also acknowledge those mistakes, apologise to our children, and strive to improve. This willingness to admit our faults and say "I’m sorry" sets us apart from previous generations.
We try harder to be better for our children, modelling resilience and demonstrating the courage to admit our mistakes and share the lessons we've learned.
We must remember that the companion to this work, shame, is a generational inheritance. Healing and liberating ourselves from it will take time. But with effort, we can hope not to pass it on to our children.
Dear Aleks, Thank you for reading me. I know you write about parenting so this means a lot to me. What you say is so true!! And is another big topic I feel. We (I, for sure) don't give ourselves enough credit for breaking transgenerational trauma. And we are the generation that does that! But with this admirable, hard work, I also recognize our (mine) tendency to do too much for our children. And this, with the best intentions, can also have harmful effects. There are so many nuances to this topic! But I think the point I was trying to make that what we are quick to call a traumatizing event/ circumstance is not always traumatizing - depending very much on how we view it. It can turn into something empowering, a superpower even, if we regard it as a challenge that we can rise up to.
Your words to Aleks are why I like your article so very much.
What we perceive at first glance as traumatising may turn out to be gifts to us. Is our speedy tendency to view hardships as traumatic or to label difficult/challenging situations as trauma instead of opportunities ill equipping us and our children?
Could it also be argued the generation of parents breaking transgenerational trauma are the ones now raising young children with extreme mental health challenges mixed in with entitlement behaviours? Or is this an out of kilter analysis?
Questions your article is having me re-ponder, with gratitude 💞
Aww. Thank you for your kind words Danusia! And yes, I ponder the same question, and I think I have barely just scraped the surface of this complex topic. I think it is important to recognize all the hard work our(mine) generation has done in breaking the cycle of trans generational trauma. But - we have to be equally aware of the pitfalls of overcompensating for them and doing too much for our children. This can potentially deprive them of much needed agency. It is a tough balance to strike. So we must have also a lot of self-compassion. But I think it is an important topic to discuss! You make me think I need to explore post traumatic growth in my writing! Thank you Danusia!
In the Parents Who Think podcast one of our recent debates was ‘Are we creating mollycoddled kids?’ We covered opinions around raising entitled kids, those who get to 18 and struggle with life skills as everything has been done etc. it’s a fascinating debate!
I'm reading this a few days late, having already forgotten what a comparatively crappy mother's day I had this year. Our kids are not perfect. As mothers we are not perfect. But we do our best and most of the time our kids do their best too. And we love 'em like crazy.
This was such a great piece. Thank you for sharing, and for inspiring me. I think what I got most out of this amazing post is that the stories we tell ourselves matter. There are so many times where the facts and figures make it seem as though we are doomed. But my life is living proof that it is not true. Yours too. I think back to Kelly McGonigal’s book the upside of stress - how do you think about stress really affects you. It can debilitate you, or it can energize you.
So true!!!! I happen to think of my life as incredibly rich. And having friends like you is the proof! And I don’t take this for granted. Not for a single second. Thank you for being such an inspiring and wise example of the next generation! The world needs you and your gifts! ❤️
Hi Imola. I finally had the time to give this piece the attention it truly deserves. I was deeply touched by many of the things you wrote. As millennial/Gen X parents, we often don’t give ourselves enough credit for the tremendous work we put into breaking transgenerational trauma. We are the first generation to tackle this challenge.
Does this work come easy? No. Do we make mistakes and sometimes repeat the patterns our parents set? Yes. But we also acknowledge those mistakes, apologise to our children, and strive to improve. This willingness to admit our faults and say "I’m sorry" sets us apart from previous generations.
We try harder to be better for our children, modelling resilience and demonstrating the courage to admit our mistakes and share the lessons we've learned.
We must remember that the companion to this work, shame, is a generational inheritance. Healing and liberating ourselves from it will take time. But with effort, we can hope not to pass it on to our children.
Dear Aleks, Thank you for reading me. I know you write about parenting so this means a lot to me. What you say is so true!! And is another big topic I feel. We (I, for sure) don't give ourselves enough credit for breaking transgenerational trauma. And we are the generation that does that! But with this admirable, hard work, I also recognize our (mine) tendency to do too much for our children. And this, with the best intentions, can also have harmful effects. There are so many nuances to this topic! But I think the point I was trying to make that what we are quick to call a traumatizing event/ circumstance is not always traumatizing - depending very much on how we view it. It can turn into something empowering, a superpower even, if we regard it as a challenge that we can rise up to.
Your words to Aleks are why I like your article so very much.
What we perceive at first glance as traumatising may turn out to be gifts to us. Is our speedy tendency to view hardships as traumatic or to label difficult/challenging situations as trauma instead of opportunities ill equipping us and our children?
Could it also be argued the generation of parents breaking transgenerational trauma are the ones now raising young children with extreme mental health challenges mixed in with entitlement behaviours? Or is this an out of kilter analysis?
Questions your article is having me re-ponder, with gratitude 💞
Aww. Thank you for your kind words Danusia! And yes, I ponder the same question, and I think I have barely just scraped the surface of this complex topic. I think it is important to recognize all the hard work our(mine) generation has done in breaking the cycle of trans generational trauma. But - we have to be equally aware of the pitfalls of overcompensating for them and doing too much for our children. This can potentially deprive them of much needed agency. It is a tough balance to strike. So we must have also a lot of self-compassion. But I think it is an important topic to discuss! You make me think I need to explore post traumatic growth in my writing! Thank you Danusia!
That would be an interesting topic to cover!
In the Parents Who Think podcast one of our recent debates was ‘Are we creating mollycoddled kids?’ We covered opinions around raising entitled kids, those who get to 18 and struggle with life skills as everything has been done etc. it’s a fascinating debate!
Looking forward to more of your writing!
And now I have no choice but to tackle the subject… :) thank you for the inspiration!! Can you send me a Link to that podcast please?
I'm reading this a few days late, having already forgotten what a comparatively crappy mother's day I had this year. Our kids are not perfect. As mothers we are not perfect. But we do our best and most of the time our kids do their best too. And we love 'em like crazy.
Oh my... so true. A walk soon my friend? And a big hug from one mother to another.
What a beautiful piece of writing 💞 I am saving this to share with friends and come back to often. Thank you ☺️
Thank YOU Eva! So happy it spoke to you.
This was such a great piece. Thank you for sharing, and for inspiring me. I think what I got most out of this amazing post is that the stories we tell ourselves matter. There are so many times where the facts and figures make it seem as though we are doomed. But my life is living proof that it is not true. Yours too. I think back to Kelly McGonigal’s book the upside of stress - how do you think about stress really affects you. It can debilitate you, or it can energize you.
So true!!!! I happen to think of my life as incredibly rich. And having friends like you is the proof! And I don’t take this for granted. Not for a single second. Thank you for being such an inspiring and wise example of the next generation! The world needs you and your gifts! ❤️