Pockets of Joy
Seeing the light in dark times
In these dark times it can feel awkward, or even distasteful, to talk about pleasure. A writer friend of mine had an article recently published in one of Canada’s top literary magazines. It was a beautifully written piece about his guilty pleasure of pining for good deals on vinyl records. Yet, when he posted about it, he expressed his discomfort “talking about pleasure at this time.” Another friend has been designing her website for over a year, but felt that it was better to “wait for the craziness in the world to calm down a bit” before launching it. When I asked her if she thinks that there would be any less killing in the world if she’d spared it from her (healing!) services as a body work therapist, she replied that she “would feel judged.”
But aren’t guilty, and not so guilty pleasures are precisely what we need to get through the darkest, and toughest of times? While there is no way to escape the reality of pain and talking about it with honesty can help, it is equally important to recognize the light and beauty in this world.
We may dream of publishing a book, finding the love of our lives, or buying a house one day, but in the meanwhile, there are smaller miracles to be found everywhere.
I’ll share with you here some of the small, and not so small things that bring joy and beauty into my life, especially now when everything feels a little too heavy to bear.
1. Pretty objects in my immediate surroundings. I am a great believer in minimalism. Henri Thoreau said it best: “Man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can do without.” There is very little clutter in my modest Montreal apartment that helps us keep things tidy with next to no effort. But I do love my plants and flowers! I have my favourite coffee cup and my preferred reading corner that is flooded with light every morning. And as long as my Ikea blinds blur the uninspiring view outside, I can fool myself to believe that I am everywhere. Even Italy.
2. A good cup of coffee. My morning coffee is sacred to me. I don’t chug it, or rush it, but savour these first twenty minutes of my day. I consciously choose to do something that brings joy into my life as I drink it. Whether it will be writing, reading a good book or a Substack post from a favourite writer. One thing I never do is check e-mails, or do other work related stuff.
3. Italian. My natural anti-depressant. My pillola della felicità. Admittedly, it takes more effort than just popping a pill, but it works like magic every time – even if my daughter thinks I’m “just too weird” to be reading Dante out loud. I’m guaranteed to feel a thousand times better afterwards.
4. Literature. I read in English, Italian, Hungarian, Hebrew and French everything from prose to poetry. The books I choose are rarely easy – both in their content and language, but I don’t mind having to work harder for something that inspires and enriches me. I am much likelier to give up on a book that has little to teach me.
5. Long walks. When in Budapest, I’m averaging 10 km a day without even noticing it. When in Montreal, I like to go up the mountain.
6. Being silly with my daughters. My daughters are healthy teenagers with little interest in their parents. And yes, they do get on my nerves. But we also share many magical moments together. Most of these moments are not planned. We could get into a deep conversation as we cook together, or laugh about something meaningless as we share a meal. They love nothing more than giving me unsolicited skin-care advice and make-up tutorials and tell me how wrong I do everything. I always smile internally. You’ll appreciate me when you’re at university, I think to myself. But in the meanwhile, I remember to appreciate them too.
7. Meaningful connections. This year I have let go of several friendships that felt no longer right for me, to spend more time with the friends whose company nurtures me. A coffee, a walk, or a phone conversation with a friend with whom you can be vulnerable and honest is not a small thing. This is the stuff of life. Nothing fills my heart with more gratitude.
8. Cultural outings. Theatre, dance, or music – I love my cultural outings. Tonight, it is Authentic Flamenco with Yolanda Osuna.
9. Art. I recently discovered the haunting work of Israeli artist Yaara Eshet and I am always moved when I see the beautiful photographs that my friends Kristy and Guillaume post onto Instagram. They always remind me of the beauty that exists in the world.
10. Yoga and meditation. Since I spend a large part of my day sitting in front of my computer, I take conscious breaks and move my body. A twenty to thirty minute daily yoga practice can do wonders to my mind and body. This is where I catch my breath and ground myself. Particularly when I feel like I have too much on my plate and ‘can’t afford’ to take a break, I know I have to do it. I get my best creative ideas after a short meditation.
11. Writing. I am the happiest when I write. But equally, when something is weighing heavy on my heart and I haven’t fully understood why, or just how much, I know I have to write it out of my system. Even when I write about pain, I always emerge from writing feeling stronger, and more hopeful.
12. Learning something new. I am a nerd at heart and I will never stop learning. What I love the most about learning a new language is exactly what scares a lot of people: the high likelihood of making an embarrassing mistake and sounding like an idiot. It is a very humbling practice. And there is so much I don’t know! Discovering the wonders of this world and continuing to acquire knowledge is something that excites me about the future, because I know with absolute certainty that I will never run out of topics to explore. Now, I only wish I could get excited about learning to drive…
This is my humble list, not in order of preference (No, my plants don’t mean more to me than my daughters…). What is yours? What are those little things, or bigger, more meaningful things that can bring a little joy into your life right now? Is it a beautiful tree, or a beautiful gate, or perhaps a kind exchange with the cashier this morning (I have a lot of those!)? Where can you spot beauty? How can you create beauty? There should be no guilt involved in those kinds of pleasures. Self-care is not a selfish act. I have learned this the hard way. When I neglect myself, my daughters suffer. But as long as I can find little pockets of joy that ground me, we all gain.
This is exactly what I needed in this time I'm in. Imola, your friendship is one of the pockets of joy I look forward to. :)